Are you embarrassed to tell people you’re dieting yet again?
Do you prefer to struggle alone rather than have loved ones roll their eyes at your new dieting plans?
Get over it!
Proper support from family, friends, and true peers is vital for success.
Let Carlene explain how to go about getting that support, who to ask, and how to ask for it.
Transcript – Support (scroll up for Podcast)
Hey, this is Coach Carlene over at Thin Brain Training. Thanks for coming back and listening to another one of my podcasts.
Today we’re going to talk about how to get support on your new diet. You know, many of us, especially those in the obese community, have been on so many diets in our lives. It’s like, every few months, we’re on a new diet. And we run around, we’re so excited. We tell our family and friends. And now they just kind of roll their eyes at us and say, Yeah, whatever. Let me know if it works, right?
And so we don’t really feel comfortable anymore, going to people and telling them that we’re going to start a new diet, especially if it’s something new. This is a problem we have over at Raw Food Boot Camp is it’s an extreme diet. And people just don’t want to tell anyone, because they know people are just going to shake their head and say, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
But we need their support. Support is really an important aspect of losing weight. Because if people aren’t supportive, they will tend to sabotage your efforts. And we can’t have them do that. But we still can’t expect them to be our food police. So it’s kind of a delicate balance that you have to find, so that you get the proper amount of support.
I am a big advocate of finding a support group.
At times, during my career as a weight loss coach, I’ve offered one-on-one type of help and guidance, where people didn’t want to join the groups that I offer, they just want one on one help. And you know what I found out, I found it doesn’t really work. Because what they would say to me, as their coach is not the same as they would say to their peers. And they wouldn’t feel that same kind of support from just me as they would from their peers.
You know, one thing when you work with the obese is that you find that we’re always isolated in our thought processes about how other people view us, we are easily humiliated about where our obesity takes us and how people judge us. And so we build up this distrust, to actually honestly talk to people.
But if you can find a support group of other obese women or men who you can talk openly with, you can just find it so much easier to stick to the program. I’m not talking like you go in a room, like OA or Weight Watchers (both are great programs) and sit around and confess your sins. What I’m talking about is peers, women and men who know exactly where you’re coming from. That was the one of the reasons I started Raw Food Boot Camp. I believe so strongly in having peer support, that if you can come in and say to someone, oh my god, I took a bag of this and I went in my bedroom, and I locked myself in my closet, and I ate the food, I am so humiliated, you’re not going to be laughed at the women there. They are going to say, Oh my God, I’ve done that, too. How do we get ourselves to stop secret eating, and then you have a whole conversation about it, you would never say that to family members or friends. Because you don’t know what they’re gonna think about you. They don’t understand obesity and secret eating. Or if they do, they’re not talking about it either. But if you can find the support of your true peers, then you can say those kinds of things.
You can talk about, oh, I just went to my friend’s house the other day. And she’s got this antique dining room set. And she said to sit down, I’ll make you some tea. And I’m just staring at the chair and thinking to myself, if I sit on that chair, I’m gonna break it. I didn’t know what to do, and your friends are gonna go Oh, my gosh, I know what you’re talking about.
That’s the power of support. Don’t go looking for support from people who don’t understand you. Look for support from your true peers. Look for other obese men and women who when you say stuff they will understand it. When you talk about the issues of obesity, and food addiction, and binge eating, and whatever else that’s going on in your dating life, they will understand it. That is real support. And that that allows you to build up confidence and trust in these people. So that you will go to them and say, I’m struggling today. I don’t know what to do. And they will feel confident enough to say to you hold on, just get through today, you can do this. That’s what you need for support.
Family. They love you. They’re going to support you. But they’re also going to enable you because when you go to them and say, Oh, I’m just so sick of this diet, they’re going to go Yes, of course you are, here eat this food with me. That’s not where you’re going to get your support. So you need a support group, whether online, in person, however you do it. You need to find peers who you can truly discuss the journey, that’s going to help you get through.
But what you have to have from family and friends, is you have to make sure they aren’t sabotaging your efforts. So you have to talk to them and ask them to give you some time. Now over at Raw Food Boot Camp our diet’s pretty extreme, and family members are always like, That’s crazy. You can’t do that that’s unhealthy. Well, we’ve proven it’s not unhealthy. But people aren’t going to believe us right out of the gate, right? So what we do now is we ask our family and loved ones, just give me a month, let me just check it out. Just give me a month. Let’s see how I do. And then we’ll talk about it. You don’t have to ask them to be your food police, you don’t have to ask them to do much of anything. You just ask them, just please don’t bring foods into the house that you know will tempt me. Just bear with me just for this one month, see how I do.
That’s what I did with my children. I asked them, just give me you know, three months, I think I asked originally, where you don’t eat, and I asked for three items, that you don’t eat Chinese food popcorn or pizza in front of me. I didn’t think I could get through the smells of them. And my family complied. They were like, Alright, we won’t eat that in front of you. But we’re going to eat everything else we want in front of you. And I had to honor that obligation they were giving me and turn around and say all right. And they did. They ate my favorite foods in front of me.
Because they agreed not to eat those three foods that I had specified, the smell would get to me, I had to honor my obligation to them, and let them eat whatever they wanted in front of me. So it was kind of a mutual thing. But their support, was limited.
They still ate those foods just not in front of me. It was limited, but it wasn’t long-term. And they got to decide at the end of the three months if they would continue to support me or not. So my job was to make those three months very valuable and lose a lot of weight. And I did. They continued doing that for me, just those three foods, for the whole nine months that I lost my weight. And that’s, that’s the kind of support you need.
You don’t want people to sabotage you, you have to talk to them and say to them things like, well, that’s fine, you don’t have to do my diet. I’m not asking you to do that. You don’t have to be my food police. You don’t have to, to always be on me. All I’m asking is that if you’re going to eat food that you know, I love, could you just maybe tell me and I’ll go for a walk or don’t bring it home, eat it before you get here, you know, you can still have everything you love. I’m just asking for a little bit of time to make this diet start working.
And it doesn’t matter what diet you choose. All that matters is that they aren’t bringing stuff in front of you and saying to you here you should eat this, oh, look, you love this food, eat this.
People who love us want to feed us. That’s just how it goes. So we have to get them on board with how not to sabotage us not ask them to sacrifice for us. But just to make some kind of little deals. And you can do it just for you know, at boot camp, we start with the two-week orientation program. So you could start with something like that? Well, I’m just asking that you support me for these two weeks. And at the end of two weeks, we’ll talk about it. And maybe I won’t do the diet, maybe I will. But I just need these two weeks to have a good fair chance at getting this started and getting it under my belt.
At the end of the two weeks, you come back and say, you know, I’m feeling really good on this diet, I am losing weight. Do you think you could do it for two more weeks for me? And you’ll be surprised that when people start seeing you have success, they will start supporting you more, and they will start complimenting you because they know how hard you’re working.
But if we don’t ask for that support you won’t get it. Many women don’t ask. Many times women will come to me and say, You know my husband, he’s just so sick and tired of my dieting. I’m not even going to tell him this time. And I think that’s a mistake. I think we need people in our corner. And even the people who roll their eyes, if we just ask.
I did this with a nephew who just made fun of me when he found out what I was doing. And I said to him, I said, I’ll tell you what, in three monthsif I’m not doing well on this, you can laugh at me then, just don’t sabotage me now. And he agreed. He honored that. And in three months, you know, I had lost tons of weight. And everybody was instead of saying oh what a crazy diet. They’re like, Oh my god, what are you doing?
So we have to go to the people that we care what their opinion is. Let them know what we’re doing and ask for their not just support, but that they don’t sabotage us. That they understand that we may not want to go to restaurants for a little bit while we’re getting into the diet. That we may not want to go to the movies for a little bit, because we don’t want to smell the foods there. And if we tell them the truth, and tell them, this is important to us, and we really want to do it and get it done, they may just turn around and surprise you, and be super supportive.
But you have to call them on it when they try to sabotage you. When they bring you gifts of food. When they say, Oh, one bite won’t hurt, you’ve got to be able to say to them, one bite does hurt. And I really, really want to make this work for me. And soon they will be on your side so much, they will be so supportive as they start to see the results.
When you lose weight and you’re successful at dieting, you tend to be happier. And everybody appreciates that. Everyone likes a happier you, trust me.
All right. So you need to work on getting support. And you need to be not ashamed to ask for more time. But before you do, make sure you find the right diet for you that it works for you, the exercise program works for you so that you are just aren’t doing a two-week diet all of a sudden once again, but really are starting something that can change your life forever.
That’s it for me. Thanks for listening. If you like this podcast, please sign up for my newsletter, Share, share my web pages, subscribe to my podcast to help me build my fan base so I can reach more women all across the world. Thanks